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  • Writer's pictureLyn

Aftercare, It’s Where the Love is At

You lay there breathless.  Wow, that was incredible.  Your mind is still reeling from the pinnacle you just reached, and your energy is nearly spent.  The fire has been doused for the moment and you can retreat into the softness of your bed.  You roll over to touch your partner but they aren't there.  Maybe she jumped in the shower, maybe he flipped the game on, maybe she picked up her cell phone?  Not exactly what you were imagining as post-coital bliss right?  The BDSM community may have coined it first but let's highlight how important sexual aftercare is for intimate connection.   

We spend a lot of time focusing on foreplay and all types of sex but so little on the importance of the care we take after the act. Physical intimacy is so powerful that if we follow it up with showing each other non-sexual connection we can really improve our relationship satisfaction.  Conversely, if you don’t take a little time to emotionally connect, your partner has a higher risk of feeling anxious or let down after the main event.  So, why not consider taking a few extra minutes to spend some quality time with the one you care about after your next roll between the sheets. 

It’s important to mention that there’s no expectation on how a couple practices aftercare.  What is more is that it works for both individuals in the relationship.  The easiest way to figure this out is by communication.  What feels good for one person may not be necessary or intuitive for the other so talking about what you like and want is key.  Remember to be kind and open as you share your feelings and preferences.  The following are just a few ideas to consider if you feel you need to beef up your aftercare a little.  

Cuddle.  Arguably the number one best way to make your partner feel appreciated is cuddling.  It is scientifically proven to help release oxytocin, “the bonding hormone”.  What better time to do this than in your postcoital glow.  It helps to reduce stress and closes the loop on feelings of vulnerability. 

Shower Together.  This is a no brainer.  A lot of us like to shower after sex but doing it together offers increased time for connection.  Washing each other is deeply intimate so why not share in this act together. 

Hit The Fridge:  You just burned a pile of calories, maybe a snack and rehydrating is in order.  Consider raiding the kitchen together.  Doing things side by side is always a great way to connect.  

Pillow Talk:  Take time to talk to each other.  Give words of affirmation and talk about whatever you want.  Just spend some time with each other.  Early in relationships couples tend to spend a lot of time doing this.  It is a great practice to revisit if it's been quite some time since you had long conversations in the dark with your partner.  You never know, it may just lead to round 2.  

This is just the start into a long list of things you can do to leave you feeling more connected with your partner after a session.  I’ll leave you with this, when was the last time you put as much effort into aftercare as you did foreplay or the act?  Maybe tonight you should try. 

Until Next Time, 


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