What do you do on the days you can't even breathe the same air as him? What do you do when you've had it and you're thinking 3 hots and a cot, behind bars, would be worth the charge? How do you stomach the sound of his voice or when his hands on your skin make you want to drop kick him?
Did it evolve into this? Was it always like this? Was I so in love that everything that was happening was through rose-colored glasses? When did I allow my boundaries to fail? When did certain not ok things become ok? Was it me never setting boundaries? Was it me bending and allowing him to cross boundaries with no consequence?
In my case. Yes. All of the above. I allowed more than I should have. I tolerated more than most should and setting boundaries was foreign to me. Be it cultural or the immaturity from the inception of 'US', it was a ton of trial by error and a whole lot of having to figure it the fuck out. Boundaries… I wish someone would have clearly explained that one important thing to me as a young lady. The life lessons I could have been spared would have definitely spared me my knees (meaning falling and getting up not the other).
In reflection, I should've, could've, and would've but I didn't. I had to learn through each heated moment and angry exchange. I had to learn that on the days when you want to tell them where to go and what hole to crawl back into, you have to refrain and remember that words during angry exchanges can be super damaging, beyond the fight.
I had to learn that you fuckin have to suck it up, take some deep breaths, and try and process the situation, in an appropriate way. You have to set boundaries and vocalize what you like and don't like, in an appropriate way. Hahaha. Definitely easier said than done but you have to remember why you like him? Why is he the one? Why was he your choice? What made you love him? Why are you still here? You will always find THE reason why it's worth it…and when you can't, it may be time to re-evaluate the whole situation.
Raw Thoughts with G.