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  • Writer's pictureRae

I Don't Have Time!

How the hell am I supposed to fit intimacy into my life when I have so much on my damn plate?! Working full time and co-owning a business while parenting and dealing with household duties, along with the long list of other stressors and responsibilities is A LOT!  I feel like I simply do not have the time to be intimate my partner.  I don't even have time for myself! I know I am not the only one who feels this way. So, how on earth do we fit in time for self-care and intimacy? The simple answer for many is, well... “you don’t.” Okay. Sometimes I feel like I can go without self-care and intimacy, but for how long? And, how will that affect my quality of life?

For many of us, putting others first (especially our children) and making sure our list of responsibilities is done for the day, before sitting down for a breather is all too common. Sometimes that moment to sit down for a breather is skipped, and before you know it, there are no breaks... ever. You finally lie down at the end of the evening and pass out from exhaustion only to wake up and do it all over again and again and again. Over time you end up neglecting your health because you don’t fit in exercise and you’re opting for easy unhealthy meals over home-made nutritious meals. You obviously gain a few pounds which makes you feel shitty. Your shitty mood and your extra few pounds makes you not care at all about pleasing your partner or yourself, so it’s easy to say no to intimacy because you’d rather just go to bed. You pray that tomorrow is the day that you’ll make your changes and put in the effort to be better to yourself and your partner but the cycle starts all over again. Is this affecting our quality of life? YES! But, how do you change it? Where do you find the time?

Balancing the demands of life no matter what your circumstances can undoubtedly be challenging, but remember that self-care and intimacy are crucial aspects of your well-being. If you don’t fit them in, you will suffer. Your quality of life will not be the same. It boils down to choice and perspective. Make the choice to fit in movement and exercise each day even if it’s just a few minutes. Exercise makes you feel energized and elevates your mood which will help get you through the day in a positive way. Taking walks after dinner is a great way to ease into exercise. I love yoga. It’s tough to fit in a class at a studio with my schedule but I can do it from home and it makes a world of difference if I start out my day with a workout.

Make a choice to kiss and hug your partner and set aside some time for intimacy. One way to fit in intimate time is by prioritizing and scheduling it just like any other important commitment in your day. You could try waking up a bit earlier or setting aside time after the kids have gone to bed. Communication with your partner is key - let them know how you're feeling and work together to find solutions that work for both of you. Remember, it's not about the quantity of time but the quality of the moments you share. By being open, creative, and flexible, you can find ways to nurture your relationships and take care of yourself amidst your busy schedule. Your body and mind will thank you... and so will your partner!

Try a quick meditation before bed or in the morning. Wake up feeling grateful for your beautiful children and your ability to work and live this life. It’s precious. Shift your perspective and try to focus on the good. I know that can be hard sometimes but try it. It really works. If I notice a negative thought creeping into my mind (it happens often), I acknowledge it and then try and rephrase it or replace it with something positive. One common thought is, “My house is such a damn mess from all of my kid’s shit everywhere!” A nice way to replace that thought is, “I am thankful that my children have fun in our home. I will ask them to help me tidy up when they get home from school.” Another negative thought is, “I hate working so fucking much!” I like to replace that one with, “I am grateful to be working and providing my family with a beautiful home and life.”

Sometimes a negative thought will surface about my lack of interest in intimacy due to my busy schedule, “My partner is going to find some little slut to hook up with if I don’t hop into bed hot and horny later!” This paranoid thought can easily be replaced with, “My partner is so understanding and loving when I share my insecurities with him. Emotional intimacy often leads to physical intimacy so I’ll set some time aside for that later.” This may sound difficult or even silly, but it works and it’s actually kind of fun to do once you start becoming aware of your thoughts and your ability to change them.

So what’s the takeaway here? Change your perspective from negative to positive. This alone will make a huge difference in your life. Make the choice to do better no matter how busy you are. There’s always time for intimacy and self-care even if just for a few moments each day. For some fun tips and activities that encourage self-love and intimacy with your partner, check out Where Intimacy Begins: The Workbook

Please feel free to leave your feedback in the comments section below. What tips do you have for finding time for intimacy?

Until next time,

Rae The Bonded Box

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