Talking about sex with your partner can open up a whole new world and take your intimacy to the next level. But how do you start the conversation? And what should you talk about?
It’s pretty obvious that discussing sexual topics with your lover will increase your romantic connection, but why is it such a hard conversation to start? Maybe you're unsure of what to discuss, or even embarrassed? Maybe you have some shame surrounding the topic and you’ve always been told to keep it hush hush? Well hide no more! We are here to open up the sex conversation door and make you feel comfortable discussing sex with your partner, no matter what the topic. Not only will it help you gain a better understanding of each other’s wants and needs, it will also bring you closer both physically and emotionally.
When it comes to topics to discuss, the options are endless. Some are fun and sexy, while others are uncomfortable and difficult. But all are important. To make it easier on you, we have created a list of the top sex topics to discuss with your partner (and how to start the conversation).
Favorite Positions- What gets you off? What gets your partner off? If you have a favorite sexual position or can only orgasm a certain way, please share this with your partner! While it’s important and fun to explore new positions, there may be those go-to positions that take you to your final climax and it’s essential that your partner is aware of that. For many women, receiving oral or engaging in clitoral stimulation takes them over the top. For others, missionary style or doggie style hits that sweet spot. Communicate your desires. Find out what works best for you and your partner to enhance your sexual encounters.
Fantasies and Fetishes- This can be a fun topic and a surefire way to spice things up with your partner! Sexual desires are often locked away but they really are the key to exploring your sexuality. Voice your fantasies and fetishes with your partner... maybe they share a similar desire. Ask questions like, "Do you want to try a naughty new sex position later?" or "Have you ever thought about sexual role-play?" Maybe come right out and ask, “What is your sexual fantasy?
Exclusivity- This topic is a good topic to discuss early on. What if your beliefs on the topic are different from your partners? It's better to get it out in the open sooner rather than later! Be straightforward with your partner and determine what infidelity, monogamy, and polyamory mean to you both. What constitutes cheating? Are flirting, hugging, and kissing someone else okay? Talk it out. Listen. Understand each other.
Frequency-How often should we do it? There is no right or wrong answer here. People are different. Some people have a very high sex drive and crave sex daily (or twice a day). Others are okay with once a week or once a month. Discussing libido with your partner will help you both understand each other's intimate needs. Hopefully a happy medium can be agreed upon if you and your partner are on both ends of the libido spectrum!
Boundaries- Discussing sexual boundaries is a big one. If either of you think of something as 'off-limits' then it is of the utmost importance to respect each other's wishes. Maybe start out by asking your partner if there is anything that they are uncomfortable with and then lead into a mature and compassionate discussion on sexual boundaries. If you’re both willing to explore new positions or scenarios, but are a little hesitant, coming up with a ‘safe-word’ is a good idea.
Safe Sex- This is a must have conversation for new couples and for those in open relationships. Is getting pregnant the last thing on your mind? If so, discuss contraception measures and come up with something that you are both comfortable with. Have you been tested for an STD/STI lately? If you’ve had unprotected sex with someone new since your last visit, it’s time to get tested. You owe it to yourself and your partner. Millions of new infections occur every year in the United States. Sex is fun but you have to be smart about it!
Post-Sex Routine- This topic is probably not discussed enough but it can bring you closer to your partner on an intimate level. What do you like to do after sex? What does your partner prefer? Do you like to cuddle and softly caress each other? Maybe you like to share a shower or talk about what you enjoyed during your hot and steamy sex session. There may be times when you have to jump up and get back to work or take care of the kids immediately following your sexcapade, but spending time together after sex every so often can strengthen your emotional connection.
The above topics are great but how do you start the conversation? Well, I suggest setting the mood first. Make sure your environment is comfortable. A romantic date night at home or at a restaurant over a glass of wine could provide for the perfect setting. Or, why not start the conversation in bed or at a time when neither of you are in a rush? Start out with something simple and sweet like, “Hey love, I’ve been thinking about…”, or “I’d love to learn more about…” Be sure to maintain eye contact, talk softly, touch, and stay positive. Actively listen when your partner is sharing and be honest and open with each other. It’s also important to compliment and encourage each other while sharing.
The topics mentioned are just the tip of the iceberg. Other important topics include but are not limited to sexual dysfunction, sexual identity, sex therapy, pornography, sexting or online sex, physical limitations, sex positions, etc. Communication is key and if done regularly can greatly enhance your intimate connection.
Please continue to openly communicate your boundaries, needs and desires with your partner. Whether you're a new couple or a couple who has been married for years, discussing sex never gets old, and it will help you understand each other on a deeper and more intimate level. Check out The Bonded Box Exclusive Connect Better: Couples Connection Cards to spark intimate conversations. Or to take it up a notch, check out our Spicy Truth or Dare Cards. You will find a variety of intimate experiences to share with your partner at The Bonded Box Shop.
Thank you for reading and please feel free to leave your feedback in the comments below. What sexual topic would you like to discuss with your partner?