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Performance Anxiety Wrecks Sex

(And How to Have it Not)

Well, it does.  So, leave your expectations, judgment and the pressure at the door.  

What should you bring in?  An open mind, your boundaries and ALL the honesty.  

For all the women that do so, this means no more faking it.  It means no more agreeing that you enjoy things that you don’t.  You don’t have to be a porn star, and if moaning and arching your back aren’t your thing, don’t do it.  Do what feels good for you.  If anyone has never said it, having an orgasm is just as important for you as it is for your partner.  Also, your partner isn’t going to love you more because you put on the best act they have ever encountered in the bedroom. They just aren’t, so be true to yourself.  Guys, there are not any performance expectations here, you aren’t marathon runners and no one expects you to be.  This also needs to be said, sometimes it doesn’t stay hard, and that’s ok. True sexual chemistry comes from feeling connected so here we are back to that honesty and communication thing.  Most importantly, remember, it's not always going to be perfect, feel perfect or smell perfect.  It's sex!  And that is a wonderful thing. 

How can you make sex great?  Be honest.  Know yourself, your desires, your preferences and your intrigues.  Really own these and don’t be afraid to share them with your partner. Even you long-termers, I guarantee there are fantasies you have yet to explore, probably a few of your own as well as your partner’s.  Also, if you don’t know what you like and are still learning and experimenting, it's ok to say that too.  Never feel pressured to say you like something just because your partner does.  Resist feeling embarrassed, there is no shame in sex.  Sexual compatibility is amazing but that is only going to happen if you are honest.  

Finally, I encourage you to have an open mind.  Know your boundaries but hear your partner out.  Relationships, even casual ones, require mutual respect and understanding. They are a give and take and this couldn’t be any more true than it is in the bedroom.  There is no one size fits all and there does not need to be.  You both want to have mind blowing organsms.  Now, how you get them is up to you.  

Until the next time, 


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