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  • Writer's pictureRae

Staying Calm during Conflict. Is it Possible?

Have you noticed a pattern between you and your partner when conflict arises? How do you react when you’re in a heated debate? How does your partner react when they are called out or asked to be accountable for a particular action? Reaction is key when it comes to healthy conflict resolution but it’s not that easy to control your reaction if you’ve been repeating the same behavioral outbursts since childhood. Think about it… Do either of you shut down and walk away when the going gets tough? Do either of you slam doors and yell? Which one of you throws a tantrum and stomps off secretly hoping the other one chases after them to try and make them feel better? Or better yet, do either of you fight through text because you cannot get the words out in a healthy and constructive way when you’re face to face?

Sadly, I am talking about adults here, not middle schoolers! Unfortunately, many of us have major issues with conflict and how to deal with it in a healthy way. Many of us revert back to our childish responses and reactions during high tense conflict with our partners. Why is this? How can we act like this as grown ass adults when we are able to keep it together 95% of the time in our daily lives? Some will blame it on stress and busy lives. Others blame these silly and immature outbursts on their partner's behavior. But really, deep down, most intelligent adults are very aware of the fact they can control their outbursts and that they are in charge of their own behavior. They just have to put in some serious effort and sometimes that just feels like too much work.

It boils down to habit, fear, and lack of perspective really. Many people allow their fears and insecurities to take over during conflict, causing them to overreact in an unhealthy and irrational way. Others are used to behaving and reacting a certain way and have been doing so for decades. It’s become a habit and is all they really know… but this can change quite simply. Reacting is normal. The question is how do you react? Becoming aware of your feelings when in conflict, changing perspective so that you understand where your partner is coming from, and putting in the effort to stay calm will do wonders when trying not to overreact. Try it!

Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but how you handle them can make a big difference. By listening carefully to your partner's perspective, you can gain a better understanding of the issues at hand and a better understanding of your partner. This understanding can help you to find common ground and work together to resolve the conflict. Being able to resolve conflict in a constructive and calm way is essential for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling intimate relationship. If you and your partner are used to outbursts during conflict, this will take time and practice, but it will be worth every minute. You will grow from within and as a couple, and who doesn’t want that?

With Love,


Please leave comments below. How do you resolve conflict with your partner?

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