A Self Inventory on Learning How to Intimately Love Yourself
Boy meets girl. Boy and girl break up. Girl is sad. Boy is sad. Boy calls girl. Couple reunites. Everyone is happy.
For many of us, so much of what we do is centered around finding fulfillment with another person; wanting to find that partner that will “complete us”. Throughout childhood we are fed stories about “happily ever after” as the prince and princess ride off into the sunset together. Movies are focused around a couple having conflict followed by happiness coming only after the couple finds resolution and reunites. Did you ever stop and wonder why we are doing this to ourselves?
Breakups are tough, miserable, in fact. Unrequited love is devastating. It could be argued that a broken heart is one of the worst possible feelings to ever be experienced. It leaves a lifetime imprint on most of us. Why is it that during those times we rarely focus on taking care of ourselves? We should be teaching everyone that self love is the pathway for healing. The stronger your relationship is with yourself the more readily you will recover. Did you know that you are more likely to be in a healthy relationship from the start if you have a good relationship with yourself? Maybe before you start looking for fulfillment in another, you evaluate, are you complete within yourself? Don’t get me wrong, relationships are great, even incredible in some cases. But, why don't we focus more on the importance of the relationship we have with ourselves? The reality is that this is, by far, the most important relationship we will ever have. This bond is lifelong and making it great may be the key for a fulfilling life.
There you have it, self love is the beginning of every great love story. So, how do we do it? Or better yet, how do we improve it? How do we gain an intimate understanding of ourselves? How do we fill our own cups?
Slow down and reflect. Deep introspective reflection. The kind that takes time and thought. Learn more about yourself. What are your thoughts, your dreams, your desires.
Am I being true to myself?
Am I living a life I am proud of?
Am I putting effort into the relationships I care about?
Am I living in a positive light or do I tend to be negative?
Am I pursuing my goals?
Am I feeling stressed in my life? Do I feel at peace?
Am I holding back out of fear? Am I scared of failure?
Am I happy? What do I love about myself?
What would I like to improve on?
Are my relationships fulfilling?
When do I feel the happiest? What brings me joy?
These are just a few to get you started.
Taking care of your mind, body and soul is important in understanding yourself intimately. Are you taking care of yourself?
Take care of your mind. Do you have a healthy outlook on life? Do you feel good about yourself? Do you feel depressed? Do you feel anxious? Do you need more help from a professional? Therapists are great in helping you to understand yourself. Are you using healthy coping to deal with difficult challenges in your life? Surround yourself with positivity. Are you comparing yourself to social media? Be kind to yourself. Do things you enjoy. Seek out professional support if you need it. Do you spend time with people that support you? Do you actively try to improve your mental wellbeing?
Take Care of your body. Eat well and drink more water. Are the foods you put into your body good for you? Are you eating enough? Are you eating too much? What is the quality of the food you are eating? Have you seen a doctor lately? Do you feel healthy?
Work out More. Do you feel better when you work out? Start small and build up your routine. Exercise reduces stress and improves mood. It regulates sleep.
Sleep. Are you getting enough? Are you sleeping too much? Do you feel rested? Is it interrupted?
Sex also regulates sleep. Are you having sex? Do you have orgasms? Do you know what you like in bed? Do you know how to make your body feel pleasure? Is there something that is interfering with this? Are you experiencing pain? Is there a medical concern? Do you feel shame related to your sexual desires? Do you communicate your needs to others when you are in a relationship?
Drink Less. Smoke less. Are you putting things in your body that are impacting you in a negative way? Substance use, even recreationally, takes a toll on your emotions and impacts your outlook. Does this still serve you?
Take care of your Soul: Do you understand your deepest thoughts and desires? Do you believe in a higher power? Do you feel like a good person? Are you living a life that you feel good about?
Make A Plan.
Now that you have thought about it and really reflected what you want for yourself, put it into action. Though these may not all apply to you, they may help get you started:
Meal Plan for a healthy life. Make a menu for the week.
Make a schedule for physical activity. Go to the gym, for nature walks, or do yoga on YouTube.
Set a sleep schedule and stick to it.
Explore physical pleasure with yourself.
Make doctors appointments if you need to & schedule with a therapist if you think you could benefit.
Set date days with people you care about.
Indulge in your hobbies and interests and put them in your calendar.
Stop using drugs and alcohol.
Make a financial plan. Set a budget. Save.
Take a social media break.
Meditate, journal and practice gratitude.
Set boundaries for work/life balance.
Plan trips, activities and vacations that you can look forward to.
Challenge yourself, learn new things, become a mentor, volunteer. Do something that feels good for you.
Work on your relationship with your intimate partner if you have one. Start dating if you feel ready and are single. Stay single if you just choose you. Communicate. Be Vulnerable. Learn More About Intimacy.
This is just the beginning of the journey of intimacy with yourself. As you travel your own path you will know what areas need more work and exploration. For every person the path looks different. Don’t compare yourself to others and most importantly, never give up on you. It’s never too late to learn to love yourself a little bit more. You have all the tools you need for a healthy “heart”.
Until Next Time,
The Bonded Box has curated multiple experiences to help you explore intimacy with yourself. Check out The Menage A Moi Experience, The Glow Up Experience and The Self Discovery Journal Pack to get you started. You are also invited to set up an appointment to curate your own concierge experience by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org.
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